Yesterday I discovered that I lost a cousin. He was only 49 years old which kind of hit me between the eyes. (I’ll be 48 this year) He is the fourth person that I have lost in a month (family or friends) and all of them have been around my age. I found myself unable to sleep last night so I got up and quietly went downstairs and sat at my desk working on some of my writing. I couldn’t concentrate on that either. I realized as I sat there listening to the quiet of our home that life is even more fleeting than I had previously thought. I have spent a lot of time over the years trying to catch up with myself and here I sit now still planning for later or tomorrow or next week. I hardly ever pay attention to today. I think that most of us are that way. We worry about bills, the future, later…never considering that, as my grandma used to say, tomorrow is not promised. So I made a promise to myself last night to start paying attention to today, now, this moment….it really is all I have for sure. Worrying about tomorrow is fruitless, and the past…well I’ve decided that I don’t live there anymore…so I’m letting it go.
I have a challenge for each of you, my family, (and that includes my friends because that is, after all what you truly are) let go too. There really is nothing we can do about the past. That apology you are waiting for, that change in your parents that you wished had happened, that thing you wish you had given your kid…the moment for that is gone. And stop obsessing about tomorrow, it really will take care of itself, whether you want it to or not. Those bills, they will get paid…they always do. That work, well it will be there too until you do it. The thing that should be important is this moment…what you say and what you do right now has a ripple effect throughout your whole life as well as the lives of the people you touch. If you own this moment…if you take care in this time…life will follow suit and take care of you back.
We waste far too much time lecturing our kids, keeping account of the mistakes we perceive in others and whining about how much life has not given us. It is time to start experiencing our kids, changing our perspective and being truly thankful for what we do have…the time…and the space. Tomorrow is not promised…it never was.
I found myself last night regretting a lot of things. I don’t write enough, I don’t take enough time with my kids, I don’t say the right things, do the right things, I waste my time, I don’t travel enough, call people enough…the list goes on and on. While all those things, on some level, are true, they are not unchangeable. Life, my life, should be fluid, the only person truly stopping it from being that, is me. So I am getting out of my own way. I am letting the little things go and I have decided to let life flow through me instead of spending all my time trying to catch up. Please…do the same…if we all do it…think of the possibilities.