Let Life Flow Through You

13 Sep

Yesterday I discovered that I lost a cousin. He was only 49 years old which kind of hit me between the eyes. (I’ll be 48 this year) He is the fourth person that I have lost in a month (family or friends) and all of them have been around my age. I found myself unable to sleep last night so I got up and quietly went downstairs and sat at my desk working on some of my writing. I couldn’t concentrate on that either. I realized as I sat there listening to the quiet of our home that life is even more fleeting than I had previously thought. I have spent a lot of time over the years trying to catch up with myself and here I sit now still planning for later or tomorrow or next week. I hardly ever pay attention to today. I think that most of us are that way. We worry about bills, the future, later…never considering that, as my grandma used to say, tomorrow is not promised. So I made a promise to myself last night to start paying attention to today, now, this moment….it really is all I have for sure. Worrying about tomorrow is fruitless, and the past…well I’ve decided that I don’t live there anymore…so I’m letting it go.

I have a challenge for each of you, my family, (and that includes my friends because that is, after all what you truly are) let go too. There really is nothing we can do about the past. That apology you are waiting for, that change in your parents that you wished had happened, that thing you wish you had given your kid…the moment for that is gone. And stop obsessing about tomorrow, it really will take care of itself, whether you want it to or not. Those bills, they will get paid…they always do. That work, well it will be there too until you do it. The thing that should be important is this moment…what you say and what you do right now has a ripple effect throughout your whole life as well as the lives of the people you touch. If you own this moment…if you take care in this time…life will follow suit and take care of you back.

We waste far too much time lecturing our kids, keeping account of the mistakes we perceive in others and whining about how much life has not given us. It is time to start experiencing our kids, changing our perspective and being truly thankful for what we do have…the time…and the space.  Tomorrow is not promised…it never was.

I found myself last night regretting a lot of things. I don’t write enough, I don’t take enough time with my kids, I don’t say the right things, do the right things, I waste my time, I don’t travel enough, call people enough…the list goes on and on. While all those things, on some level, are true, they are not unchangeable. Life, my life, should be fluid, the only person truly stopping it from being that, is me. So I am getting out of my own way. I am letting the little things go and I have decided to let life flow through me instead of spending all my time trying to catch up. Please…do the same…if we all do it…think of the possibilities.


Posted by on September 13, 2012 in Healthy Writers


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4 responses to “Let Life Flow Through You

  1. Kay Lovelace

    September 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Well Said!

    This is a conclusion I came to when I was 20. My sister was hit by a drunk driver, she was 21 with a one and a half year old daughter and a three year old son, they were in the car also and had some injuries but they pulled through.

    I lived in the bay area at the time and was missing her beyond measure, but I had a daughter, a job and a husband and couldn’t seem to find the time or resources to make a four hour trip.

    As I studied the floral book for an arrangement, regret washed over me like a huge ocean wave. I thought “if only”; Should of, would of, could of. Right there and then I realized how quickly everything changed, how I was powerless over the events in my life and how I needed to make everyone I loved and cared for KNOW how much they meant to me.

    I made a decision to send “flowers” while those loved ones were with me. The first change was I began to express my self every chance I got. With my children I told them all the time how much I loved them, when they well little I would stop everything to give them that little squeeze or kiss they needed or wanted, water left running in the sink, phones “let me call you back”, and leaving work to take care of a tummy aches. As adults, even if they moved away we stayed in touch, I listen to their heart breaks and thier joys. They say, “no matter what happened I always knew you loved me, Momma”.

    With my sisters, brothers and parents I made sure I made that baby shower, wedding event, graduations, etc., I really want to ditch out on some of them when I was overly tired. But I kept the cards, phone calls, and presents and visits consistant. I have a large family eleven siblings and as it grew it got a little harder to expand, but I kept making every effort. Not an every day phone calls but as often as I possible could. I tried to make each one know how their individual life and personality was a blessing in my life; how much their are special to me and how deeply I love them. To this count I have four neices named some form of Kay after me and I feel extremely honored.

    My friends, some I have nutured for over thirty years because I value their love. The minute we say hello we start laughing just because we heard each others voice and know, oh this is going to be a fun call. I value their time, love and laugther as well as sage. They too know, their is no doubt that I am in ther corner any time day or night.

    My Dad use to say, “no parent should have their children die before they do”, this was his greatest pain, that my sister Louise and my brother John both passed away before he did.

    Recently, my youngest daugther had her first baby and as I muse into “Marley’s” sweet little face with the biggest of big blue eyes I secretly make promises of protection, guidance and unconditional love.

    What leaves the heart touches the heart; truth stands alone and love is always in style. It there are only two emotionss LOVE and FEAR; my chose is LOVE. LOVE in the moment!

  2. jkvegh

    September 13, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I just found out yesterday that I lost my best friend, who was like a mother to me. Sorry for your loss too. Your thoughts on this are a great reminder. I was going through my own reflections last night.

  3. thehealthywarrior

    September 13, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    So sorry about your lost Jai. I know exactly how you fell. I may have mentioned already that I lost my mom a few weeks ago. She was very sick and we were expecting her death…but it was still painful for us and hard seeing her go. I get comfort in knowing that she is in a better place now, and she is no longer suffering. I hope your cousin’s suffering did not last too long. No one likes to see their loved ones enduring illness and pain.
    If it helps any (and it helps me a lot), think of all the good times you had with your cousin…with all of your family and be thankful for the time that you had.
    You make good sense about not putting off doing the important things in our lives. You had a wise grandma and I agree with her…tomorrow is not promised to us.

  4. Sheri

    September 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I’m sorry to hear you lost your cousin. This was a beautiful and important post, Jai. Thank you.


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