Delicious M. Twinkie, Dead at 82

Delicious M. Twinkie (The M stands for “My”) passed away yesterday after a long Union battle. He was 82 years old. Mr. Twinkie was born in Schiller Park, Illinois in 1930. His father was James Alexander Dewar and his mother was a strawberry shortcake machine that passed away soon after his birth. He was named after a shoe. (no kidding)

Mr. Twinkie was an extraordinary member of society during his time as America’s Favorite Snack and had quite a colorful life. He served with the military in several wars beginning with World War II when he underwent a change from banana filling to cream filling.  Mr. Twinkie has seen many different occupations, some notorious. He is the only snack food to serve time in both kids’ lunches and with stoners after a good cannabis session.  Mr. Twinkie has served diligently as the general of the snack world and although he has been challenged for his title over and over again, no one can resist his appeal as a snack that may well out last the cockroaches after a nuclear bomb. (He was said to have been quite proud of that)

Twinkie was preceded in death by his mother the strawberry cake machine and his father James. He is survived by his sister Donets, three brothers Ho Ho and the Zinger Twins (Chocolate and Coconut covered), a step-sister Fruit Pie (and her many multi-flavored children), two step brothers, Cupcake and Ding Dong as well as his Uncle Wonder Bread. (There have been rumors over the years that Ding Dong was adopted but at press time this could not be clarified.)

Twinkie will be missed by many. During the initial announcement it was reported by mass media that stoners everywhere lit a bong in his honor and then cried helplessly as they couldn’t find him to eat in local stores. Parents everywhere are scurrying to find a replacement snack for the lunches of hundreds of thousands of little grade school children. Twinkie will be missed for his spongy yet oily cake and his creamy filling. A memorial service will be held however details will not be announced until the last Twinkie package has left the store shelves.

Rest in Peace my little Spongy friend…Rest in Peace…..

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